Heartbreak

 I can't believe it has been so long since I last wrote anything here.  Time flies.    I haven't written about getting a new dog since we got Shipley.  Hard to believe he has been gone since August 2022.  His legs finally gave out on him and he gave me that look.  The one that says "I'm tired.  Please let me go.  You'll be ok and I will never really be gone."  Yeah, that look.  The one that hurts so bad but you have to let them go.  It was time.  And he was in pain, even though he was getting loads of pain meds.  His legs just couldn't keep him going anymore.  

The October before, in 2021, I had a dog given to me.  He was a boxer mix.  The previous owner said he was purebred, but I knew he wasn't.  I didn't care.  I loved him.  He was ok for a while, but one day, he was aggressive with one of the kennel dogs.  It happens, right?      Then, it was another kennel dog, so, he wasn't allowed around kennel dogs anymore.  (Did I even mention anything about buying a kennel and boarding dogs?  No?  Well, that is for another time then.)  Anyway, Shark, my pup, was great around Sherlock and Shipley.  He sure missed Shipley but he did ok with Sherlock.  And then Shrimp moved in a month or so ago.  Shrimp was another "throw away".  The wrong people got her.  They didn't want a "big" dog.  They didn't know how to train her...she was only 4 months old and they said she was aggressive.  She isn't.  But, she moved into our house and Shark easily adopted her as his friend.  And that should have been the end of it....They played, they rough housed, they shared toys.  And, it was great.

Then, less than 2 weeks ago, something happened and Shark attacked Sherlock, the older dog. I had my back turned, so I didn't know what had set him off... Shark was fine.  Sherlock ended up with some puncture wounds that are healing slowly but he won't leave them alone, so Joseph went out to the kennel to grab a cone...barely a minute after he left, Sherlock was standing beside me while I sat on the couch.  Shark walked over and his body stance changed.  He eyes changed.  He wasn't my Shark anymore.  He was another dog....I tried to stop him but couldn't...and he grabbed Sherlock, intent on hurting or killing him.  I managed to drag them over to the crate and got him to let loose of Sherlock. Finally, in what seemed like forever, but was only seconds, Sherlock let go of Sharks ear and I got Shark into his crate, where, he almost instantly because my Shark again.  I don't think he even knew he had attacked Sherlock.  

Twice in less than 2 weeks.  And I watched him change in front of me, for no reason. He wasn't excited or agitated. There were no toys near them.  Nothing to make him change the way he did.  Maybe it is the breeding...maybe something is wrong in his head.  But he isn't safe. He has never been people aggressive, but what if he had grabbed a grand kid?  Or what if he had grabbed Shrimp?  She is little yet, only 5 months.  What if he grabbed one of the cats?  And poor Sherlock has another wound on the back of his neck and one under his front leg in the armpit area.  My heart is breaking...shattering over and over.  Today is Sharks last day.  I can't rehome him.  Not after seeing the way he changed.  Something is wrong.  He is wired wrong or something...I don't know...but he isn't safe.  Tomorrow, he will be put down.  I love him so much.  He has been my cuddle bug.  My shadow.  My dog.  But that dog that attacked Sherlock wasn't my Shark.  I don't know what happened to him, but that change was terrifying.  I can't chance it happening again.  I can't say "He won't attack a person" because I would have said "He would never attack Sherlock"...and I was right, until I was wrong....

My heart is screaming "NOOOO!"  My head is saying "I don't want to, but I have no choice..."  I cry every time I look at him through his room door.  Oh, it hurts SO bad.  Over and over and over again, my heart shatters.  I love him.  I think I have run out of tears, then they start again, and again...I'm sorry Shark.  I'm so sorry I can't fix you.  I'm so sorry that it has to end this way.  I'm so sorry.  You were my birthday dog.  Turned over to me on my birthday.  You were doing so good.  You seldom tried to chase the chickens.  Every morning we played loose in the back yard.  You, Sherlock and Shark.  You came back when called.  You were walking well on a leash.  But somehow you were broken...Maybe you were born broken or maybe you were broken before you became mine.  I did my best and my best wasn't enough.  You will always be moms boy.  I love you, Shark.  Good boy....It is time for you to go home...Wait for me over the Rainbow bridge, little boy.  I'll be looking for you...I'm so sorry.

It seems I have my best rambles at night...generally at bed time, or afterward.  This is one of those nights.  I should be signing off, yet my brain is saying "No.  Not yet".  So, here I am, sitting in front of my computer.

I am in the process of starting another business.  I already have a mowing business, and I must admit, it does quite well, but it is only about 5- 6 months.  I also am Dog Constable here on the Island.  No, not Dog Catcher, that gives people the idea that I am supposed to go out and catch any and all dogs that are loose.  That isn't my job.  I do catch them sometimes, but I don't HAVE to.  All I have to do is identify the dog and deal with the owners.  Sometimes it is easier to catch the dog and wait for the owner to come to me; especially when I am not sure who the dog belongs to.  And then their is my newest venture--Commissionaire.  A fancy word for "babysitter".  lol.  Yep, I get to guard (sounds a bit better than babysit) people who have been put in a cell.  This keeps the RCMP officer free to do their jobs, rather than have to sit in the detachment, doing the guarding themselves.  So, amidst all of these other jobs, I decided that opening a dog kennel would be a good idea.

I am almost 50 years old and have dreamed about opening a kennel for--well, I really don't know how long.  But since a friend of mine already had a kennel, I didn't want to cut into her business.  When she decided to sell, I had decided I no longer wanted to try it.  People started asking "Are you going to buy the kennels?" and I answered that I wasn't interested.  As time went on, more people asked.  I guess they know me better than I know me because eventually I talked about it with Joseph.  We decided to look into the numbers.  How many dogs were kenneled in the run of a year?  I already knew the costs since my dogs go to the kennels about twice a month, sometimes more.  Then on to the other numbers.  How much to move the building?  Over and above the cost of the building.  And land...we needed to clear some land as we live in the woods and have cleared as little as possible.  I LIKE being surrounded by trees.  After it is cleared, stump removal, building up the land, then cement work, adding drains in each individual kennel and, (most important in my opinion) in floor heating.  I don't want MY dogs to be cold, so I am sure most others don't want their dogs to be cold, either.  We have very cold winters and lots of dogs just don't have enough fur to stay warm.  So, add cement work, drain pipes, the materials for the heating, a hot water tank and wiring to the cost.  And there you have it.  A scary number.

Off to the bank.  A talk with a financial manager who decides we can do this due to good credit and good information on how much this is going to cost.  I am so glad we did the footwork so we could show we knew what we were doing.  Shortly afterward, the money is lined up and we just have to wait for the snow to melt...after the worst snowfall in memory. (even the old timers hadn't seen as much snow as we got this winter)

Now the now is gone enough that the land is cleared and we are just waiting for the heavy machinery to move in and start fixing things up.  Once they come, it will be more real.  And shortly after that, I am hoping the cement will be done.  Then paint on the floors, linoleum in the kennels (easily sanitized and won't soak up water.) a few shelves, a desk, the wiring. SPCA inspection...and away we go.  I will be the owner of a boarding kennel for dogs.  Ready or not.  Off on my next great adventure!  

Weddings, sunshine and other thoughts

The sun is shining today.  The heat from it feels wonderful and the snow is melting.  Finally.  Granted, it wasn't really that long since the snow began...sometime near the end of January.  It is now only the last day of March.  Two months of snow isn't bad...it is just the amount we go in such a hurry that makes it seem like a long time since we have seen anything other than snowbanks.  But warm days are coming.  I have seen a few flies and bare patches are popping up here and there where the snow has disappeared.  

It probably won't be long now before our cat, Poptart decides it is time to leave again.  Maybe not for quite as long this time.  Before January, the last time she had come home was over 6 years ago.  Instinct must have told her that this snow was coming; otherwise, she never would have come home again.  She is now almost 17 years old.  Too old, in my opinion, to be on her own, but I can't force her to stay home.  She really is still a very feral cat.  Move to quickly around her and she will have no problem swatting you with claws out.  If she goes out again, I hope she doesn't go far and will come home often.

Sam and Dan are getting married on Saturday.  Wow...time sure flew by!  I really like Dan.  Sure he has issues...so does Sam.  They can work on their issues together and both are great parents to Isaac.  With his club foot, he has been a challenge.  Cranky days where the cast hurts him or is too hot or too uncomfortable...and Sam and Dan work together to give each other breaks from the crying.  The way it should be.  Since they are getting married in Dans home town of Wirral, (and no one knows where that is.)  I haven't been able to help as much as I wanted.  Dan's parents have been wonderful, though.  They are helping and it makes me very thankful to know that they want Sam as part of their family.  I couldn't ask for better in-laws for her.  

Isaac is growing way too fast and I don't get to see him often enough.  He smiles now and will make baby noises.  "Telling stories".  So very cute.  Sam holds the phone up for him to listen to me talking sometimes and he looks around to see where the voice comes from.  He might not recognize his Grammas voice just yet, but it interests him.  Of course, I think he is the most handsome, smartest little guy on the face of the earth.  Isn't that what all Grammas think?  But my grandson really is the BEST. 

Valentines day

Just a little rant..

Every year when Feb. 14th gets closer, there are people who start saying they hate Valentines day;  complain that it is just a money grab, over commercialized and is stupid because it involves one day where a guy treats a girl like a princess when he SHOULD be doing it every day.  Yes, maybe it is a money grab.  Maybe it is over commercialized.  And yes, guys should treat their girls like princesses, while the "princess" treats her guy like a prince.  It works both ways.  They should appreciate each other every day, 365 days a year, not just 1 day from a year.  BUT, no matter what some people say, Valentines day is special.  

I KNOW my husband loves me.  He shows me in many different ways.  Helping with meals, seeing to the dogs or the chickens, filling the furnace with wood so I don't have to...and many other things, but ONE day a year, he buys a very sweet card for me with hearts and flowers.  It states how he feels and it is special to me, because he took the time to look through cards and find one that says what he sometimes can't seem to say in words.  He isn't a poet, and doesn't do well with flowery words.  But the card says what he isn't able to.  I certainly don't expect to receive a special card every day; it would no longer be special if he did that, so those who dislike the day can continue to do so, but don't try to drag everyone else down by complaining about it and calling it stupid or garbage or whatever other label you want to put on it.  I, for one, think it is a special day.  

Single people complain because it is a day for couples.  Maybe so.  But why not make it a day to treat yourself to something special.  You can buy some flowers for yourself to make a drab February day (actually several days as they will last awhile) brighter.  Or buy a box of expensive chocolates for yourself, just because you can...or even a piece of jewelry you like.  You don't NEED to have someone else buy it for you.  Choose what you WANT and be good to yourself.  Why not?  Buying a card for yourself might not work, but there are many other things you can do.  Buy a book you have considered reading...or a special perfume...whatever works.  But just stop complaining about ONE day a year dedicated to love and romance.  Every one of us has had times when we were alone for Valentines.  Some of us have had times when we WISHED we were alone...which is worse than actually being alone!  So if you are unhappy with your circumstances, find something to distract yourself...or something special to do...don't just try to make those who DO enjoy the day feel bad for doing so.  

On Snow

Snow has been on my mind a lot lately.  With 3 or 4 storms in just a couple of weeks, that is no wonder.  

In November, people start thinking about the winter to come.  Kids think of snow days with excitement.  Adults--not so much.  No matter what, that first snowfall is pure magic.  Especially when waking up in the morning to a pure white world where sound is muted; the falling snow sparkling in the light of the new day.  The air smells fresh; a new day--a new start.  Sleds come out of the basement or garage and even a few adults are brave enough to swoosh down the sledding hills, reliving the times they had as children.  Tomorrow they will probably feel the pull of seldom used muscles, but for the day, they get to be kids again.  Tongues flick out to catch big fluffy flakes that really should taste like cotton candy, yet even though they have no taste at all, they somehow taste of winter and childhood and Christmas.

After that first snow, school kids thoughts turn to snow days where school is cancelled and the day spreads out before them with nothing to do but build snow forts and snowmen, slide and throw snowballs.  Even some teachers look forward to a snow day every now and then so they can just stay home to catch up with lesson plans, marking the latest bunch of tests and eat a hearty stew, soup, chili or some other food that tastes best on a snowy day.

As snow banks grow, old-timers are heard discussing how long it has been since the last snows like this.  After some discussion their minds go further back to their own childhoods.  These newfangled sleds have nothing on the sleds of their memories; ones that sported wooden or even iron runners, that flew faster down larger hills than today's kids could ever imagine.  "In my day..." should be considered the same as "Pay attention..."  because as sure as those words are said, a story is about to unwind; worth listening to as it is a part of our history that may not be around for many more snows.

An afternoon of shoveling walks, steps and decks often has adults dreaming of warmer days and sunshine.  Yet the snow is also a good excuse to grab a good book, a cup of hot tea or coffee and curl up for a few hours; secure in the knowledge that the storm will keep visitors at bay.  Once in awhile the rumble of a plow truck may pull ones attention from their book but they will quickly immerse themselves back into the book; until the kids come in dragging piles of snow to be mopped up.  Snowsuits, soggy mittens and frozen boots are hung up to thaw and dry.  After warming up and having supper, it isn't long before the children are yawning after their exertion outside.  Time to head to bed and wake up to see what delights may be brought on in the snow tomorrow.

After a long winter....

After a long winter, spring is really on it's way!  The snow is melting and the sun is shining after being foggy most of the day...I can see the fog out over the water, but things brightened up a bit ago...and I feel like writing.

First, Shipley is doing SO much better!  He is full of mischief but not destroying things like he used to.  Not counting yesterday when he got hold of a shopping bag stuffed FULL of other shopping bags (plastic)...wow, he spread them around, quite well.  He was bored, I guess, since we had been out most of the day.  He also grabbed one of my sneakers, but did not chew it.  He just moved it from the shelf.  He was spoken to about both things and we did tie him for a bit just to let him know it isn't allowed.  Other than that, he is doing wonderful.  He hasn't chewed on the sofa for quite some time.  

His legs are better, too.  If you didn't know his history, you would never think he had been so lame that climbing stairs was almost impossible and extremely painful for him.  Now he climbs like a trooper.  When someone comes in the house we have started sending him upstairs rather than holding him because when we touch him, he understands it as positive reinforcement.  When we send him out of the way, he understands that he has to settle down and behave.  And eventually he does.  Sometimes coming downstairs before he is allowed and sent back up again.  Good exercise for those leg muscles.  

In March our family had their hearts broken.  My oldest daughter found out she was pregnant and went from never wanting children to an about face and so totally in love with this little one...I was truly amazed and thrilled with the changes I saw in her attitude.  But then I got the call that broke our heart.  The baby had died and she was in the hospital.  As we were already heading to the mainland, we went to the hospital and ended up staying the night.  It was truly one of the worst times of my life watching my little girl have to go through labour and deal with empty arms afterward.  It still brings a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes.  Not just for the grandchild I will never meet this side of heaven, but for my daughter who loved her baby with every fiber in her.  And also for her boyfriend who instantly became "Daddy" as soon as he knew they were having a baby.  

Through it all, these young people stuck together when many would have fallen apart.  They leaned on each other and grew closer.  After a bit, he asked her to marry him, so next April, we have a wedding!  And after that, hopefully it won't be long before another grand-baby is on the way as they both want another baby.

I am also going to be a great-aunt since my sisters oldest son is going to be a daddy in a few days.  Yes, I am excited for this little one, also.   Can't wait to meet him.  

My mind was going a mile a minute and all of a sudden it isn't...maybe because I had so much going on in it and I got the important stuff out.  Maybe my blogs aren't exciting like others can be but they sure help ME.

More surgery

We took Shipley away on the 21st so he could be at the Florenceville animal hospital bright and early on the 22nd.  Time for surgery on his right leg.  The day I had been waiting for and dreading since the last surgery in June.

First we walked him down the hall in the waiting room so Shannon, the vet, could see how he walked.  After a needle that made him nice and sleepy, (I really should have taken pictures of Joseph laying on the floor cuddling him while he fell asleep) Shannon came in and checked out his leg.  Her news was encouraging yet not.  She felt there was not a lot of damage, but lots of arthritis.  I didn't like the sound of him being full of arthritis at such a young age.  But we would deal with it.

Once things were moving along, we left and spent the day out doing "stuff".  We first drove to my grandparents grave.  It is leaning a bit forward and needs to be straightened and there was an old floral arrangement that was mostly just wire and foam.  I wanted to take a couple of pictures of the stone so I took the holder off the stone and Joseph wiped it down a bit.  I felt a bit sad, walking away.  I don't normally visit graves but I will go back again next time we are up that way.  My sadness stemmed from the fact that I may be the only/last one in our immediate family to visit their grave.  Robert doesn't go anywhere.  He has no need of heading to Woodstock/Hartland so he won't go there.  Lenora and Glendon do travel but they have no need of going that direction, either.  Maybe someday Lenora will want to go and will make a point of going.  She always has been the one who knew who was related to whom and how they were related.  I doubt if my parents will go that way again.  Dad with his heart problems along with issues with his legs..he just can't drive that far right now and I don't know if he ever will again.  Mom with her memory problems, now nervous about driving.  I doubt she would set out to go visit the grave.  I am not one to visit graves because I know they are not there...oh sure, their bodies are, but Gram and Gramp don't care if we visit their grave or not.  It isn't important to them nor to me.  I have my memories and I know I will see them again some day.  Where they are buried isn't a big deal.  Yet...I have been there twice...so there is something that draws me there.

We left and did a bit of shopping.  Not much because we knew the bill from the vet was going to be high.

We ate at a Chinese restaurant that I really enjoyed.  Many "Chinese" restaurants I have been to haven't been good places...there is very little Chinese food and one place I went to was just scuzzy.  If it had been clean and friendly, I might have enjoyed the food but I couldn't enjoy food from there because it wasn't really clean and the people who were running it weren't really friendly...and it was COLD in there.  The place we went to this time was different.  Plenty of Chinese food.   (I know, most of the food they call Chinese isn't)...This place has a great selection and a buffet that wasn't over the top expensive.  Nor was all the food covered in sauce so sweet that you almost went into sugar shock.  We both enjoyed the food.

We got the call that the surgery was done while we were finishing up eating so we headed back to see our pup.  Granted, when we got there, he had NO idea we were there since he was still snoring away but we sure were glad to see him.  Shannon told us the damage was WAY worse than what she had originally though the tendons and Meniscus were both totally "shattered" (her words).  BUT, there was little arthritis!  THAT is a good thing.  She could fix the tendons and meniscus.  She wouldn't have been able to fix the arthritis.  She managed to get 4 strands of line in this leg and the kneecap didn't need any work since it had tightened up and had seated back into the proper position.  Another plus.  :)

The next day, on the 23rd we picked a sore, groggy dog up and loaded him into the vehicle.  He was already touching his toes on the ground and seems to be doing very well.  He cried a lot on the boat, so Joseph laid down on the blanket beside him and cuddled him (as much as you can cuddle a 115lb dog.)  That settled him right down and he slept the rest of the trip.  (I did take pictures of that one)  He slept good all night and this morning has been up and outside twice, putting a bit of weight on his leg each time.

So that adventure is almost over, except for the healing.  I wonder what comes next.