Mowing and my dogs.

I spent around 6 hours today mowing and trimming.  Probably 5 hours mowing and one trimming.  It was cold most of the time...the clouds were rolling in and the sun was hidden.  Just as I finished mowing and started trimming the rain started.  It had drizzled a bit before but had dried as fast as it hit.  Once it started raining, I was glad to be up and walking.  It helped keep me warm.  

I kept an eye out for lightening since I was on a hill and carrying around a trimmer that would make a perfect lightening rod.  Thankfully there was no lightening.

The whole time I worked, my dogs, KC and Mo kept watch.  And slept.  And played.  I had someone tell me awhile ago that they pitied my dogs because they "always have a rope around their necks".  Not exactly true.  They are tied with long leashes to their collars...not a rope around their necks.  They aren't tied inside or while they are in their pen.  Would that person rather I allowed the dogs to run off?  Let KC go back to killing deer as he did in his younger years before I got him?  Or let Mo run and possibly learn the skill to taking down a deer, even at his advanced age of 12?  He has Husky in him, so I am sure he would at least attempt to bring a deer down.  With KC by his side, the two of them could accomplish it.  I told that person to pity the abused animals. The ones who are given drugs (like KC was before I got him), the ones that are kicked around since the owner allows a bunch of idiots in his house to play a drunken/stoned game of "Kick the puppy", the ones who end up with broken bones from being thrown against a wall and then never taken to a vet, the ones who are left outside so their toes and ears freeze, are left without food and water, are ignored until they give up and their mind shuts down.  I have seen all this happen...so pitying my dogs is wasted.  They are happy, healthy, well fed, get lots of attention and know no hardships except when a cat steals their bed.  

Back to the mowing--I was working in a cemetery.  Most people find cemetery's rather spooky.  I don't.  I find them beautiful.  Wild flowers growing (I do encourage them.  I left several patches of daisy's growing in patches.  Small white moths, rising up out of the grass, swarming around me, only to settle a short distance away, so we can do it again when the mower once again comes close.  Beautiful, dancing on the air.  The smells of the grass and different plants as they are cut.  All beautiful,.  One day while I was taking a break and my husband was mowing, 2 deer moved out of the woods and watched him mowing back and forth.  They were not frightened by us nor by the roar of the mower.  They watched for quite some time and then slowly melted back into the trees.  Their curiosity sated for the time being. 

Birds alight after I have mowed.  Checking through the grass to see what treasures they can find.  Some find bugs.  Much easier to catch in the shorter grass....sometimes easily caught due to being hit by the mower.  And of course, there is the grass itself.  Wonderful nesting materials!  If I am lucky I might see a pheasant or two wandering through the cemetery.  Or I might look up and see an eagle or two soaring overhead.  I watch smaller birds chasing the eagle sometimes.  Picking at his back and head, telling him he isn't welcome in the area.  Usually the smaller bird wins out.  Later in the season I will see the young crows being taught how to forage by their parents.  

When I was done today, I was slightly soggy.  Warmed from the walking but chilled inside from the time spent on the mower.  I was tired, but not exhausted.  6 hours is a short day for me.  Usually they are closer to 10 and sometimes even longer.  Some days, when my husband is with me, he does all the mowing and I do all the trimming.  On those days, I am extremely tired.  Lugging a heavy trimmer around for hours takes a lot out of a person, but I love it.  How can I not? I get to work outside.  I enjoy talking to most of my clients...although they are very quiet in the cemetery, thank goodness!  I can take breaks when I want...it truly is a job I love.  And it is made that much better because I can take my dogs with me and give them extra attention during my breaks.  

It took me awhile, but I finally figured out what was wrong.  I have been painting my new bathroom.  It isn't finished yet, so it has been relatively easy to do.  It is only temporary until I can do something else with the walls, but I wanted some nice colours in there that would keep it bright since there is no window.  


The walls are now a nice greenish...maybe sea foam green?  I am never good with colour names.  The ceiling is a light buttery yellow.  I hated doing the walls but Joseph helped me so it wasn't too bad.  Sam did part of the ceiling and I was finishing up today when I realized what was bugging me.  


Here I am, painting one colour on what happens to be the biggest "canvas" I have worked on in...well, I have NEVER worked on a canvas that big.  How BORING!  I am not a painter but I have an artists heart.  I love to paint scenery or designs.  Walls aren't meant to be bland and boring.  So, I need to do something about that.


I haven't figured out yet what I am going to do.  Is my bathroom going to turn into an aquarium?  Or have painted plants peeking out from different corners?  Of course, if I go with an aquarium scene, I can have "underwater" plants.  And fish, bubbles, maybe a fish hook...a water bug or two.  


It will take me awhile because I am not sure.  It has to be something I can live with and it has to be something I can paint.  I am far from perfect.  My Grandfather was an artist.  One of his paintings hangs in my living room.  It is the Kennebecasis River (Yeah, I had to look that one up to spell it right) in Hampton.  A scene he painted looking out the living room window of a house he built.  His little dock with a small boat, the bridge, rolling hills in the background and the lighthouse he built that houses some of his things like oars and yard tools.  I can remember seeing that scene when I went to my grandparents house as a small child.  There are other pictures that he did that have been handed out to the family.  A picture of a man who we all called Genghis Khan.  A boat named the Thironda (after his 3 children, Thiry, Ronal and David), tied to a small dock.  A sailing ship, a picture from the war as a ship rammed a sub.  It really happened.  Whether my grandfather saw or or just painted the images out of his mind, I do not know, but it looked realistic.


My sister was or is artistic but let the skill die as she got older and life got busy.  She still creates beautiful works of art in the jewelry that she makes. She also does beautiful cross stitch.  One of her boys has picked up drawing as if he had done it all his life.  I hope he uses this skill and works on getting better.  My girls both have artistic talents.  Both had characters that they drew everywhere when they were younger.  Bryen had "Mr Moose".  A moose like creature that stood on 2 legs, often in a swamp.  And Samantha had Dude. A young man, dressed like all the boys of the day.  Nothing remarkable about Dude and Mr. Moose.  But you could see the talent.  As they got older they drew more and they started painting.  Unfortunately life got in the way and neither have much time to paint anymore.  Maybe someday they will pick up brush and canvas and start again.


Mom never learned to paint or draw.  It also skipped the oldest of the boys, Ronal.  But David picked it up and has honed his skill over the years.  He is very good.  And he has learned woodworking...another skill that gramp had.  Gramp built a lot of furniture over the years.  I have a few of his things.  A small stand, a desk, a bed side table and a bureau.  Maybe other things that I can't think of at the moment.  All pieces that I treasure.  I regret giving away the small living room piece he made with two chairs and a table in between with a rack underneath for magazines and a lamp on the back of the table.  It was just right for a couple to sit and talk or watch tv.  (My grandparents never had a tv.  They felt it was unnecessary and had plenty of other things to keep them busy)


I hope that, if my children ever have children of their own that they will pass the skills on to them and encourage their children in arts and crafts.  


Back to my bathroom.  It sits there, a canvas for my brushes.  I am excited to start...something.  I will look around, find something that inspires me.  Something that will look interesting and I will begin painting.  I can't wait!

Brooklyn died today.

Brooklyn was pure mutt. He was a mix of husky, lab, chow and newfie. There was only one other pup in the litter. That was Melmo, the pup I chose. These two pups were born on January 10th, 2000. While we chose Melmo, Brooklyn had a special spot in our hearts. Whenever we visited his owners, we made a special effort to pat Brookie and pay some extra attention to him. No matter how long between visits, you could tell he recognized us and was just waiting for his special time together.

Both of the dogs were pure white. Brooklyn had a square shaped head, like a Newfie does. Melmo has a lab look to them. Both dogs were extremely large. I have no idea how much Brookie weighed. It was a bit less than Melmo who was 110 lbs at his heaviest.

Brookie was an outdoor dog. He never went in the house. He had a good dog house, plenty of food and water and was kept where he got lots of attention. Due to the husky in both of the dogs, they were runners and they could not be left to wander the yard. Brookie was tied and Melmo has a large pen. Melmo is an inside dog. He doesn't like staying outside any longer than he has to. He is very spoiled.

The dogs lead two totally different lives but I think both were content with their lot. Because of their size, I never expected the dogs to live to 12. Generally "giant breeds" only live 8 to 10 years. We were given the gift of 2 extra years with Brooklyn. Hopefully we will be given even more years with Melmo.

Brookie was fine this morning. His owner patted him and played with him, then went out for awhile. When his wife went out a few minutes later, Brookie didn't look up like he normally did. When she spoke to him, he didn't move. She went over and realized he was already gone. He was curled up in a ball like he normally was...so I am sure he went peacefully in his sleep. The wife called her husband and he came home. Brookie is buried in the field behind their house. There is going to be an empty spot inside of his family for awhile...and in our hearts, also. Run free, Brooklyn! We love you!

Preying on people.

Oh, I know it is a "buyer beware" world. Always has been but it bugs me how people have no problem praying on those who are looking for help losing weight.

I admit it, I have a weight problem. I eat healthy, I watch my calories, I know I don't exercise enough but I do get exercise...and I still am shaped more like a teletubbie than barbie...not that I want to look like barbie, either, but being a bit thinner would be nice. A "magic cure" that would make the fat "melt away" would be wonderful, but it isn't going to happen.

The last couple of days I have seen a young woman trying to sell "It works". Wraps that, supposedly help you lose inches. "I lost 5 inches after being wrapped for 45 minutes!" Yeah, and I bet you sucked your gut in, too. It supposedly detoxifys by drawing the toxins right out through your skin. Of course, if it doesn't work, it is your fault for not drinking enough water...and you can KEEP losing over the next 72 hours.

You can wrap again and lose MORE inches! But you have to drink plenty of water to flush out the toxins...Wait a minute, didn't I just have my toxins sucked out through my now firm and less flabby skin? Why do I have to flush them out by drinking water? Oh...I see, now the wrap doesn't actually draw the toxins out...it "displaces" them so I have to flush them out. Why do I picture a toilet with the water swirling round and round and my money following the flow of water down the pipes?

Funny, it says, right on the website that the wraps "pull out your toxins and shrink your fat cells". No mention of what these "toxins" are. And again, if they pull them out, why do I have to drink water to flush them out?

Back to wrapping rather than flushing...what if I continue wrapping? Will I keep losing? Can I somehow disappear? Or will I have flabby arms, thighs and loose flesh under my chin but have an hourglass figure?

I have also read that it is "All Natural!" Sure, so is deadly nightshade but if chose to eat it...It is called "deadly" for a reason. Same with Foxglove plants. They are all natural. I have them growing out in my yard each year without even having to fertilize them. But if I start chewing on leaves, just a small nibble can cause nausea, vomiting, hallucinations, severe headache, convulsions and even death. But...if you go with the idea that "It Works" has..you will be ok because it is "all natural".

Did I mention that each wrap costs $30...at a wrap party anyway. Then they apparently sign you up for automatic shipments of the product...and if it doesn't work? well, you can get out of the contract for a mere $50. If you are lucky and they don't continue sending the product and charging your credit card anyway. Yes, I have done some research. For every 1 person saying "I sell this and it WORKS!" I am seeing 12 saying "It doesn't work. There is no guarantee on the product and customer service stinks!"

I understand some people are desperate to lose inches and/or weight. I understand considering trying things like this...but people need to THINK first. You didn't gain the weight/size overnight and it isn't going to disappear overnight, either.

I am still waiting to find out what those "toxins" are...

Loss

There is a group I manage. It started out as support for Stay at Home parents. From there, it blossomed into a bunch of friends and acquaintances. People who got to know each other to a certain extent. Some have even met in real life. We have new people join every now and then and each is welcomed. We still support Stay at Home parents, but after over 10 years (and some of us have been there from the beginning of the group) many of us have taken jobs outside the home. Some of us have seen our kids grow up and move out of the house and have moved to a new phase in life but still enjoy the friendships we have forged over the years.

Last year one of our members was struggling with depression. We talked to her and urged her to get medical help, which she did. It didn't seem to help much and one day she posted that she couldn't deal with it any more. That was the last we heard from her.

For a year we kept a post to "Stu" (her screen name). People made comments on how they missed her and hoped she was ok. Some people hoped that maybe she was reading at the group but checking her last sign in date...it was the same as the last post she made.

Last night my co-manager started searching. She had a small amount of information about Stu. Knew Stu had lost her 3 year old daughter, 6 years ago, to cancer. We had pictures of that little girl that Stu had put in the site. We knew she had another daughter and had been married for over 10 years. Not much to start with, but my co-manager, Kim, was determined to see if she could find something.

Armed with what we knew and Stu's email address, Kim started searching and finally found Stu's email address on a Church Website....which led to a newspaper article. The article told of how Stu, whose real name was Toni but will forever be "Stu" to me, suffered from depression. It didn't mention the meds she was on, but it told us that she had, indeed, taken her own life. She also took the life of her husband and 12 year old daughter before setting her house on fire and then taking her own life.

Stu wasn't a "monster". She was a substitute teacher. She was active in her community and in her church. She was deeply in love with her husband of 14 years. She was a mom who went from being depressed to an even deeper, hopeless depression. I cannot imagine the pain she must have been in. Someone must have noticed but figured the meds she had just started would help. Stu may have been one who reacted adversely to the medication, so instead of it helping, it made things worse. While I have no proof, nor any way of finding out, I believe that is what happened.

I never met Stu, face to face. Yet I feel like I have lost a friend because we did talk online and we got to know each other through our postings. I can't imagine what her parents, in-laws, other family and friends must have gone through when they found out...or how they still feel today. What a huge loss they have all suffered.

I could look at Stu and wonder why she did what she did. But I have seen people battle depression so deep that they were totally hopeless...not only could they not SEE the light at the end of the tunnel, they could not believe there was a light at the end of the tunnel. They couldn't even believe there WAS an end to the tunnel. And that is what I believe Stu felt. She had tried to find help and had been sucked into an Abyss where there was no end to the mental pain she felt. She saw no other choice. That wasn't the Stu I had come to know. That was the illness and the wrong medication. I will remember the Stu I knew...full of life and dreams (She and her husband had just bought a farm house and planned on renovating while they lived there. She was so excited about that.) and love for her family and friends.

Depression steals happiness. It twists minds. It takes away hope. It isn't something a person can just "get over". You can't pick yourself up and make yourself better. Sometimes it passes without getting help but other times it settles in for the long haul and you need to get help. You also need to know that not every medication works. Listen to your Dr, but also know that there are many medications out there and sometimes it takes awhile to find the right one. Getting help doesn't mean you are weak. It takes a LOT of strength to ask for help. And once you are getting help, you need to know that if you don't feel better soon, the medicine may not be the right one...if you feel worse or start having thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, you need to get back to your Dr. I know, it all sounds like something you have probably heard before, but it is something that needs to be said again and again...if it saves one person, it is worth repeating!

It is too late to help Stu, but if you are suffering from depression or if a loved one is suffering and the meds haven't started working...if you notice a change in the person and are worried, get them to the Dr immediately. Years ago I almost lost a daughter because I didn't realize depression medication can actually MAKE a person suicidal. I didn't understand much about depression back then. I have learned because I didn't have the choice.

If you feel that Stu should be judged harshly because of what she did, you do not understand anything about depression. My daughter explained it by using the Care Bears cartoon. In the cartoon there is a bad guy named No-Heart. He has a castle. Anyone who enters this castle is surrounded by gloom. If happiness/light manages to find a way into the castle, there are creatures that come out of the corners and smother the light...there IS no light or hope there. It is hopeless. That is where Stu was when she last posted in my group. She was hopeless. With no promise of light or hope or happiness. Please remember that when someone is suffering from depression. It isn't what they want. They have no choice. Something is wrong in their brain and they cannot fix it...and sometimes, they cannot live with it, either. Some are able to get help and it works. Sometimes, the help comes too late.

Mondays.

I have never figured out how people can hate Mondays. After all, if we didn't have "Monday" some other day would have to start the week.

Mondays. A new start to a new week. Stretched out fresh and ready to fill with whatever the week throws at you. We enjoy New Years because it gives us a fresh, new, unblemished year ahead of us. In the same way, I enjoy Mondays...my "Mini New Year".

Weekends are great, especially when the kids are at home and still in school. I always loved my weekends so I could spend time with the girls. Now that they are grown, I don't need to look forward to weekends unless we plan on getting together on a weekend.

Sure, it is a work day, but really...many people work weekends now, so big deal. It is the beginning of the work week--for some. For others, it began Sunday.

You can have your weekends...those couple of days you dream about at the start of the week, that never quite live up to what you think they will. I will take Monday and every other day of the week as it comes.

In my book, every day is a day to look forward to. It is another day of life. Another clean slate to write on.

What was she thinking?

Pretty well everyone has a cousin or two...or dozens. I fall in the "dozens" category. While I am not best friends with all of them, I don't know that there are any that I cannot sit down and talk to and be friendly with. With the exception of one.

A few years ago this cousin worked on the same crew as my husband, Joseph. One day when he was off by himself in a room, the cousin walked in. She didn't look all that good..as if she was on the verge of a very bad headache. Joseph got her to sit down for a minute and asked her what was wrong. She was very stressed as the job she did involved dealing the the public and also the rest of the crew. He put his arm around her and told her to not let things get to her.

It wasn't long and he was called to the bridge. The captain said he had been accused of sexual harassment. Joseph was floored! He had offered her a bit of support and she had twisted it into something nasty! He did not lose his job, but was "written up" for it.

Shortly after that, I heard different people saying that she had said she had "been mistaken" and "it didn't happen"...as in, there was no harassment. But she was never disciplined for making a false statement. Thankfully Joseph has a wonderful reputation and no one believed it. Several women on both crews came to him and said they didn't believe it...and they said some very "not so nice" things about his accuser.

Today she sent me a friend request on Facebook! I couldn't believe it. So, me, being the polite one chose to write her a private message letting her know that if the situation was reversed, and it was me accusing her husband, she would certainly never accept a friendship request from me! Not that I would ever put her in that position in the first place.

Granted, I have been polite toward her over the years and have never brought the subject up when she has spoken to me, but when she sent that friend request...well she opened herself up to a whole can of trouble. I wasn't mean. I was not nasty. I just told her that I didn't believe the accusations then, nor did I believe it now and that I would not, nor could I accept her friend invitation.

I still can't believe she even put me in the situation where I would be saying NO.