Every morning when I wake up, one of my first thoughts is about my kids. Since they got out of school my first thoughts of them were what their day held. If they had work that day or what their plans were.

When my oldest came home in February after her husband decided the grass was greener on the other side of the wedding band, my thoughts were filled with concerns for her mental well being. Since she is bi-polar, you can never know what she is thinking or which way her thoughts will swing. She surprised me and did very well during such a rough time. Now she is in university and doing well except for a lack of sleep. She has tried, but can't sleep at night right now. She has gone through that often enough that she knows she has to wait it out but if it gets too bad she needs to go to the medical clinic.

My thoughts are, at the same time, turned to my youngest. She had moved out after graduation and lived with her sister (and soon to be ex husband) for a year, then came home last November and moved out again about a week ago. I still wake up wondering if she got up this morning because I didn't hear her downstairs...then remember that she is no longer living here. Since I love having my girls home, it is kind of like a punch in the stomach when I remember that it is just my husband and I once again.

Once the morning gets going, I try to catch my oldest on the computer. If I don't I send her a text. Then, after figuring out if my youngest is working or not (she works 6 days on, 2 off, but often works at least one of those two "off" days.) I send her a text. Just something to tell them that I am thinking of them and I love them. They may not live here anymore, but I can still let them know, just by texting, that they are special to me.

It isn't easy, sometimes, to know when to step away from your kids lives. As a mom, I want to be involved but not be a pest. I know my kids enjoy me being around. They have often asked me to hang out with them, even when their friends are around. And their friends invite me to their group, also. I don't always go when invited. Just enough to let everyone know that I am interested in what they are doing with their lives but not enough to seem like I am one of those moms who can't let go.

While the oldest was still with her husband she would call me and talk about her day. Sometimes she would vent about her husband. At those times I would tell her that I was willing to listen, but would not and could not give her any advice. I did not want her coming to me in 5 years and saying "Mom, you told me to leave him...I still love him but he is over me! You told me the wrong thing!" and on the other hand, I didn't want her coming and saying "Mom, you told me to stay with him...I have wasted so many years with a guy I don't even like anymore...you told me the wrong thing to do!" So, like I said, I listened to her but didn't tell her what to do.

The youngest is different...she is 21. She doesn't date. She doesn't drink. She doesn't smoke. She doesn't have shady friends. She has NEVER gone through a rebellion. So, we talk and hang out but she doesn't need advice from me. She seems to have it all figured out. I have friends that she is friends with...people she can hang out with without me being around. She has friends that I am friends with. Young people who enjoy talking to me and knowing they can trust me to not say anything to anyone else.

All in all, I have two good kids. Perfect? No. But I wouldn't trade them or their personalities for the world. (Ok, ask me later when the older one is going through a rough time...I might change that comment....no, not even then...not really.)